Wow. As I grow years and years older, I start to question this very thought. My 28 year old brain wants to go cuddle up with a blanket and binge watch The Bachelor at the thought of “friends”. I know it is sad, but it is true. I cannot even begin to tell you how much stress and rejection I have felt on the journey of finding what I consider to be a true friend. It is not like I have high expectations either, I just want someone who truthfully cares about me, is honest and does not judge me for what I am or am not. Someone that would lift me up, for no other reason than that they like to see their friend smile.
Maybe expectations kill the cause. I mean maybe that is why I continue to be let down, yeah most likely. I know good and well that I am not the only one that feels this way.
I feel like once you get past the “HEY GIRL HEY”, people want to run and hide, and go out of their way to pretend you are not there. Maybe they do this because of a rejected past like mine. Maybe they feel like it is not even worth it to be vulnerable anymore.
Putting yourself out there and no reply. A recurring theme.
When I pray about it, it is like God is telling me, Jessica, you have in some way or another done the same thing to someone else. So, I cannot be bitter. I mean my dream life is staring at the sky and writing, with my family playing in the yard, having hour longs talks about the mysteries of God Almighty. Not a wild party of fun, I know.
Here I am protecting my heart again.. but in the back of my mind, God has shown me HE works, when you tear down the walls, when you open up and be honest, and let someone know they are beautiful and important. We all need that. We all need to be Jesus to someone. That is His message, and as much as it hurts my heart to get nothing in return, even though that is not why I do it, it is still a message that need to be voiced. I can not imagine how God feels. He is just beautiful and so deep and loving and we just keep on, keep on ignoring Him.
So whoever you are reading this, we may never click with each other. I just want to inspire you to continue to give your heart. Do not close it up because of a let down. Keep pouring into that random chick you meet on the playground, or that mama at the ballpark. I have hope that from all the failed “friendships”, that I will and do most definitely appreciate the ones who stick with me, for better or for worse. <3