"On the outside, always looking in
Will I ever be more than I've always been?"
Ok so I have never seen the musical "Dear Evan Hansen" that this song comes from, but the song came on in my Spotify mix and it has been on repeat.
There have been so many times where I have felt like I just don't belong. I call my blog "Pineapple in a Pine Tree". It kind of symbolizes the fact that I understand the way it feels to feel out of place.
I may have never looked like an outcast to the ones around me, but I have definitely felt like one. I would just ask myself why am I weird and not like them.
Then I started to realize that we are all a little different, just the majority of people do not share that side of them. They hide it and compress it and even though they look like everyone else, they feel differently. Well that is what I did anyways.
I started noticing that the people that change things are not the ones with perfect lives and perfect upbringings. It is usually the ones who chose to follow those crazy passions that the Lord instilled in them and use their sufferings for the others who suffer. The ones that are not afraid to be vulnerable to remind others that they get it. That they are not alone.
The pressure of this world can be so great. If you suffer from depression and anxiety I am here to say I have been to those dark places too. You are not weird. You are human. I am human. I know what it is like to feel like anxiety rules your life and you have no power. I know what it is like to believe the lies that you are no good and no one cares about you. The scream of the whispers repeating "give up".
Sometimes I wonder, why me? Why couldn't I have another thorn in my side? I probably wouldn't have such a passion for the ones who feel alone. For the ones that feel like music carries them and this world is too loud. I'm here to say you can find balance, it is just not going to be easy, but is SO worth it. I get you.